Something I've come to realize is that some people place expectations on moms, whether they do so consciously or not. Some people expect moms to work off the weight they gained during pregnancy. Some people expect moms to be tired all the time. Some people expect moms to have it harder than dads.
Allow me to address these ideas. First of all, I'm lucky in that I was slim going into pregnancy and that my body naturally worked off most of the weight itself. 6 months after giving birth, I'm still about 10 pounds heavier than I was during the early stages of my pregnancy. I don't think most people can tell (or at least they don't say they can, which I appreciate), but I can certainly tell, and while I originally thought I'd go back to working out five days a week, I haven't. Not even close. I'm giving myself grace, though, remembering that my body managed to produce a little person - I think it's okay if I take my time deciding if I want to work out and when.
Second, Emalyn is an AMAZING sleeper at night, so if I'm tired, that's completely on me for staying up later than I should lol. It has nothing to do with her. I'm also impressed by how quickly my body has adjusted so that I can now survive on less than 8 hours of sleep and go without a nap during the day. I'm realizing just how awesome my body is after having had a baby.
Third, while going through postpartum depression is tough and nursing can be tiring and going without nursing for too long can be just downright uncomfortable, Peter struggles too. He's not home during the day like I am, so he doesn't experience all of Emalyn's firsts himself. He can't bond with her in as intimate of a way as I can. I will also never forget back when Emalyn had to stay overnight in the NICU for phototherapy - only one of us could stay with her (which obviously had to be me because I was breastfeeding), and Peter felt so helpless being away from both of us. Dads may struggle in different ways from moms, but they do experience their own set of struggles.
The thing that has surprised me most is that some people have assumed I would stop working when I had the baby. I, however, was sure I would continue. I mean, I love my job! Plus, it has taken a lot of time and effort to get my business to where it is today, and I wasn't ready to let go. In fact, I assumed I'd continue working as much as I had been working throughout my pregnancy (which was a lot in the beginning, but I slowly tapered it off to help with the transition into my maternity leave and back out of it). I gave myself a month off after having Emalyn, and then I resumed working with the students I'd already had without taking on any new ones. It was honestly a really nice breath of fresh air to go back to work. I missed my students! I missed having a routine! I missed talking to people other than Emalyn! A lot of moms have told me how they like going to mom groups because it gives them a break from talking to babies and/or children all day, and I completely understand that now. My youngest students are in fifth grade, and even talking to them was wonderful!
I'll admit, though - there came a point when I wondered if I should continue working. I felt a lot of mom guilt when I started working again, and I thought maybe I wasn't doing the right thing by only giving Emalyn my attention for half of a day. I also wondered if my students' progress would suffer because I've kept Emalyn with me during some of my sessions and I'm not always able to give them my undivided attention. However, my therapist and I both agree that I find meaning and purpose in my work, and if I weren't working, there's a very real possibility that I would be more depressed than I already am (I'm doing a lot better in general, but there are still some days when it's tough). For me, working means I'm at a better place mentally, which also means I can be a better mom to Emalyn. If letting go of my business meant I could be a better mom to Emalyn, I would in a heartbeat. It just so happens that that is not the case for me. And I think that's okay. Every pregnancy is different. Every birth is different. Every child is different. Isn't it only normal for every mom to be different too?
I 100% respect those of you mamas who have chosen to be full-time stay-at-home moms. It isn't an easy job in the slightest, and I applaud you for being there for your children in that capacity. I also 100% respect those of you mamas who work full-time. It's so hard being away from little ones, but you're doing it for them, and I applaud you for making that difficult decision.
I particularly want to give a shoutout to those of you mamas who do a blend of the two like I do, though. This in-between is not an easy place to be. It's hard to explain to your child why you can only be with them for part of the day and why they have to stay with people at a daycare or with a nanny or with a relative the other part of the day. It's hard to talk to others about it at times too because you feel like you have to justify your decision or you'll come off as a bad mom. There are naturally some days when I feel like I should just pick one or the other because it's challenging to do both. Just know that you're not alone, and you're doing a great job, mama. ❤
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