(Disclaimer: The following thoughts have nothing to do with a certain speech that has sparked controversy recently.)
I've been in the thick of motherhood lately and only recently feel like I've finally adjusted to having two kiddos at home. As a result, I have a LOT of thoughts that I want to sift through and write down in a cohesive way, but at the same time, I don't want to turn this blog post into a ten-minute long read because I don't like those types of posts myself. So here's part 1 of my musings of late. How many parts will this series of reflections be? I have no idea. Just bear with me, please. : )
Recently, a mom acquaintance of mine asked her 3-year-old daughter what she wanted to be when she grew up and expressed her disappointment when her daughter said she wanted to be a mom. This other mom said her daughter showed a lot of academic promise and didn’t want her to just be a mom but to have a career as well, especially considering the economy, suggesting in a comical tone that she’d have to marry rich if she did otherwise.
This conversation has been bugging me ever since.
Why can’t a woman be “just” a mom? And why do people have a tendency to add that little word “just” in there?
It’s taken becoming a mom myself to truly recognize moms as superheroes. After all, I’m certainly not at a point in my life where I can make being a mom my full-time job.
I enjoy running my own tutoring business and working 2.5 days a week. My work fulfills me in a different way than being a mom does. It keeps my sanity in check by giving me a break from watching my little ones, it allows me to explore my interests and achieve some of my personal goals, and it gives me opportunities to socialize with people who aren’t aged 3 and under.
Don’t get me wrong - I love being a mom. If I could go back in time and do it all again, I would, hands down. The pain, the exhaustion, the hair loss, all of it. Emalyn and Caspian fill my life in a myriad of ways, but something that has pleasantly surprised me is how they make me a better person, a more humble and genuine person, a less judgmental and selfish person. I love them to pieces and cannot imagine life without them.
Some days with them are the absolute best. On those days, the TV is barely on (if at all) because the three of us are just laughing, adventuring, and enjoying each other’s company (I’m referring to weekdays when I'm not working but Peter still is). On those days, I’m at my best mom self. I’m patient, I’m in control of my emotions, and I’m attentive.
If I’m honest, though…some days are the absolute worst. On those days, there’s crying (from all three of us), whining, and yelling. On those days, I’m my worst mom self. I’m not slow to anger, I’m overly tired, and I’m impatient. I hide in the bathroom or find solace on my phone and mentally disconnect from my kids for a little while because I need a break. And those days always end with an exorbitant amount of guilt on my part.
And to think I’m a better mom because I work (and I do recognize my privilege in having the option to work as opposed to being required to work). It makes me anxious to consider what kind of mom I’d be if I were full-time.
Back to moms being superheroes. Being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) is the equivalent of a full-time job…except there’s no weekend or vacation days or sick days or personal days, and there’s no quitting. It’s rewarding, to be sure, but it’s also downright hard. SAHMs sacrifice a LOT to be SAHMs. Can we agree that although they might have chosen not to continue down a career path, they still deserve to be recognized?
What I’m trying to say is this: a mom who works should be respected, but she should not be respected more than a mom who stays at home. You can want the world for your kids, but I don’t see anything wrong with them choosing to “just” be parents. After all, it’s one of the best possible jobs they could have.
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