Disclaimer: This is not easy for me to talk about, because in the past when I've discussed my weight, I've had people scoff at me, saying things like "But you're so skinny." For the record, people who are overweight aren't the only people who struggle with weight issues. I might have a decent metabolism, but that doesn't mean I don't get self-conscious about my body or that I shouldn't be mindful of what I'm eating. Just like everyone else, I have rolls in my stomach area that I wish didn't exist. I often think back to my high school days when I was a hardcore runner. That was what I have always considered the high point in my life as far as my body is concerned. I am now learning through fitness that being healthy as opposed to having a flat stomach should be my goal, and that might actually result in weight gain. This post is about how I've come to grips with the idea that gaining weight isn't always a bad thing...
After the Transphormation challenge that I finished back in October, I spent a month avoiding fitness like the plague. I was completely burnt out. I had gone hard for eight weeks, and by the end of that last week, I had run out of steam, so I decided to take a break. But then a short break turned into a much longer one, and by the end of that month off, I felt as though I had lost everything that I had worked so hard to gain during the previous two months. I had felt so good about my body during those months, though, better than I had felt in a LONG time. So what did I do?
I decided to hire a personal trainer. My friend J is a personal trainer, the one who helped me through the Transphormation challenge, and during my month off, she actually started training my dad. She's not local, so what they were doing was a bit different from what you might picture personal training to look like. She sent him a workout schedule, based on his availability and the areas that he wanted to work on in particular, and he completed those workouts at the gym. She also had him track his nutrition on a daily basis. At the end of each week, she checked in and asked him how the week went and gave comments and suggestions on his nutrition chart as well. He said that he really liked working with her and that she was super affordable, and since I enjoyed working with her during the Transphormation challenge (albeit in a much more casual way), I decided I'd try having her train me too. I don't have a gym membership, though. I used to go to the gym in college, which I enjoyed, because I would go with friends. Going by myself just sounds daunting to me. Plus I'd be shy about trying a machine that I don't know how to use. Thus, J has been creating workouts for me that I can complete in the comfort of my own home, which I LOVE.
It started out great! I worked with her through the months of December and January and I FELT great! She gave me a different workout Monday through Friday (I wanted to keep my weekends off so I'd get some rest in between, but not a month's worth of rest lol) and repeated those workouts for the following three weeks, but increased the increments of each exercise I had to complete. Each workout lasts 30-40 minutes, which is totally doable for me, and like I'd do at the gym at Williams, I watch TV while working out, so the time goes by quickly. After December, she asked if I wanted to change anything from the month's plan and if there were any areas of my body that I wanted to focus on more. She commented on my nutrition intake throughout the month as well, and pointed out that the first thing I needed to improve on tremendously was my water intake. I'm averaging about six cups of water a day now, which is drastically different from my former average of one cup. I know, it was really bad. I felt good during the first half of January too, especially after modifying the previous month's plan.
The end of January and the beginning of February were different, though. I weighed myself for the first time since the Transphormation challenge and realized that I had gained 7 pounds. I won't lie to you - I panicked. My first thought, no joke, was, "AM I PREGNANT??" I'm not lol. So I started asking myself other questions. How could I have possibly gained that much weight?? And WHERE did it go?? I certainly didn't feel heavier. I confess that I could be working harder on my nutrition than I currently am (the whole eating-snacks-that-consist-of-protein-instead-of-carbs thing is still REALLY difficult for me), but there has certainly been improvement in that area, and I couldn't believe that my weight gain was due to my eating habits. I also knew that by working out, I was gaining muscle, which is heavier than fat, something J had informed me during the Transphormation challenge. The thing is, for as long as I can remember in my adult life, I've always been about the same size. Yes, some days I was a pound or two heavier and vice versa, but my weight always hovered in the same area. Suddenly, it moved from one range to another, and that freaked me out because it's not something that has happened to me before, and while I wasn't trying to lose weight, I wasn't expecting to gain weight either (which was silly of me, now that I think about it). Besides, when people talk about weight gain, it's usually a negative thing. That's what it was in my head, anyway. I've already started thinking about how I'm going to get rid of pregnancy weight someday - I'm going to be one of those moms who runs behind the stroller lol. Weight gain wasn't exactly something I wanted.
I reached out to J in the middle of February about my dilemma. She gave me several suggestions. One was to follow encouraging fitness accounts on Instagram. And boy, I can't tell you how many times these women have hit the nail on the head about how I feel about my body some days. Those have been a huge help. The other two things she suggested that were even more beneficial to me were to take pictures of my body weekly and to start measuring my biceps, waist, hips, and thighs. When I look in a full-length mirror, my eyes immediately go to my stomach to see if any progress has been made in flattening it out. It's ridiculous because my stomach will NEVER be completely flat. When I started taking those weekly pictures, though, I started looking at my entire body instead of just my stomach (although the pictures I've been taking of my profile prove that my stomach is really NOT as flabby as I think it is lol), and I've definitely noticed changes. I can TELL that I'm gaining muscle, which is fabulous! I've started noticing slight changes in my measurements as well, which is really encouraging. It means that my workouts are paying off, and that is something to be proud of, not ashamed of.
I'm currently averaging 9 pounds heavier than I weighed back at the beginning of October, and I've actually gone up a full pants size because, well, the squats I'm doing are having results lol. The month of February was the first month that I a) completed ALL of my workouts and b) felt GOOD at the end of each workout. They're challenging, but I'm more confident about conquering them now than I was at the beginning. I have started the slow process of separating my body image from my sense of self-worth, and I'm starting to admire parts of my body that I never really noticed before (I actually take time to admire my butt in the mirror like Karen Smith in Mean Girls on occasion because it's actually got some muscle in it now!). I feel stronger and healthier, and that was the ultimate goal I had with this fitness journey. It just took me a while to reconcile the fact that weight gain is a good sign in my case. =D
P.S. - Feel free to ask me further questions about my workouts or my fitness journey in general, and do let me know if you're interested in J's contact info! ; )
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