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Writer's pictureRachel Berntsen

the good, the bad, and the ugly


Our wedding photos have finally arrived, so I thought I'd share some of them with you in today's post. You're welcome. ;)


Guys, I'm sick. When I was a kid, being sick had its ups and downs. It meant I could miss school (although as a kid, I loved school, so that was a positive and a negative thing) and watch TV and be pampered by my mom. If I had an upset tummy, then I was allowed to drink as much flat ginger ale as I wanted (although I now have a hard time drinking ginger ale when I'm not sick). But I'm not a kid anymore, so it's a little different now. Since I'm only working part-time, what I'm doing while I'm sick is the same as what I'm doing when I'm not tutoring. Except I'm too weak to be active, like completing my workout (started Week 4 on Monday by the way!) or doing things around the house. Sigh. I have a sore throat, which to me is worse than just having a cold or a cough, because it hurts to talk and there are only temporary remedies for it. I also think I have a fever. Oye...

Since I'm sharing some wedding photos, I figured I could share some updates with you about me and my marriage, both the highlights and the struggles. Let's start with the good. Lately, Peter and I have been on a movie-watching spree. We keep a running list of movies that we'd like to watch together, and it feels like the list never gets shorter lol. We finally watched A Quiet Place because, as I've said before, I feel comfortable watching scary movies now because I have someone sleeping right next to me at night haha. I HIGHLY recommend this movie, even if you don't naturally gravitate towards scary movies like me. It was reaaaally good. I finally watched the original Jurassic Park for the first time too...heh. We also joined our church's worship team recently. It feels really great to have found a way to contribute to a place that has become home for both of us. Speaking of church, I'm also really thrilled that I can truly call my premarital counselor and pottery instructor a good friend of mine! We haven't had pottery together recently, but I truly cherish the time I get to spend with her, so much so that I'm now visiting her at the art store where she works a few times a month hehe (No, it's not stalking, because I ask her first!). Last week, Peter and I watched one of his brothers run his first 5K! He participated in the couch to 5K program and it's doing wonders for him. It was also the first time I've attended a race without running in it. It was a bit nostalgic of my high school days, and of my half marathon. I'm contemplating running around my neighborhood on a semi-regular basis, but I'm worried about how my knees will react to running on the streets, because they haven't reacted well in the past. We'll see! I've also gotten to spend a lot of quality time with my second sister-in-law recently, and that has been WONDERFUL (I love you so much, F!!). I think it's funny how I've been wanting more girlfriends here, and there she is, as family AND as a really great friend. =D I would also like to note that one of my students used some of his allowance to pay for some body lotion and perfume from Victoria's Secret (that I assume his mom picked out) to emphasize how much he appreciates me as his tutor. I was completely touched by his act of kindness.


There are times when things get ugly, but there always seems to be a silver lining. In a previous post, I mentioned how people have been asking if Peter and I have been having problems since we got married. I stand by the fact that we haven't experienced more conflicts than we had before we were married...but that doesn't mean we haven't had our share of conflicts either. Just last week, we were sitting in our car in the train station parking lot; as a result of our argument, I started sobbing, and Peter ended up missing his train, because he didn't want to leave things the way they were. The funny thing is that after we've resolved a conflict, I realize just how trivial the conflict actually was. Being the emotional person that I am, though, means I tend to blow things way out of proportion. I'm not saying Peter isn't ever at fault when we argue (because that's not true lol), but I take time to think about our conflicts after the fact and realize where I personally went wrong. With this conflict in particular, I was honestly being quite selfish and I realized that I was making both of our lives more difficult than they had to be. That's the hardest part about conflicts for me, besides dealing with the actual conflict themselves - I have a hard time humbling myself and admitting that I'm in the wrong. It's something I really need to work on, because it's not fair to Peter to get upset with him for things that really aren't his fault. There's a silver lining, though - we've gotten really good at dissolving conflicts quickly. I still have a tendency to want to put off resolutions until I've had time to be on my own and clear my head, but I'm getting better at suppressing those tendencies, and Peter and I are getting better at remembering that our love for each other is more important than being "right" or having the final say.


Peter has also had to support me in my semi-depressed state while also dealing with a lot of stress from work (which is why he is and always will be my hero). My work has died down a bit recently, partly because the student I'm used to seeing every day has been on a hiatus from lessons for a week and a half (last week was because his younger sister had a virus; this week is because he has the flu), and partly because some of my other summer regulars have been going on vacation. It means I'm restless at home. The problem with depression is that there are times when I don't want to do anything. I know I should do something, because being active is healthy, both physically and mentally, but I don't always have the drive to do so. And when I have nothing to keep me busy, my mind tends to wander into dangerous territory. Not too long ago, I admitted to Peter one morning that I was feeling empty. I couldn't describe it any other way. I just felt lifeless, like a zombie, not really sure what to do with myself throughout the day. Later that afternoon, though, I started singing some worship songs and at first, I was simply singing them in the hopes of feeling something, anything...but by the end of it, I was singing my heart out through tears. God has this incredible way of meeting me when I need Him the most, and it's a truly beautiful thing.


So despite the fact that I've been feeling a little depressed lately and despite the fact that Peter and I find ourselves participating in heated arguments at times, this summer has been a great one (and a WARM one, unlike my last summer in England lol). And I truly cannot imagine being partners in crime with anyone other than that hunk of a man standing next to me in all of these photos. ;)

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