There are a number of ways that I experience social anxiety:
-Going to an event where I know less than half of the people in attendance
-Making phone calls to strangers
-Any situation where I feel like I have to make small talk (such as with other parents when I'm at the playground with Emalyn)
-Being watched while parking in reverse
-Entering a new restaurant that's on the small side and being unsure if I should wait to be seated or if I should seat myself (and trying to make this decision while customers who are already seated are staring at me)
Recently, I've been tackling this sense of anxiety I get when I'm out in public by myself, specifically in situations where people aren't usually alone. For example, I wouldn't feel comfortable going to a movie theater to watch a movie by myself. I also don't like going to the mall by myself. These are examples of activities where I'm so accustomed to seeing people in pairs or small groups that I feel really uncomfortable doing them by myself because I worry about sticking out and being judged. Irrational, I know - there are plenty of people who do these things by themselves, and do I judge them? Not in the slightest. Doesn't mean I think rationally when I'm in the situation myself.
I feel especially awkward when eating alone in public. It doesn't matter if it's for an actual meal or a snack. I just get really self-conscious about it. The first time I tried it was in NYC. I was meeting a friend that evening and needed to eat beforehand. I was just sitting in a little pizzeria and was on my phone while I ate, but I felt SO uncomfortable the entire time. I had to force myself not to eat my pizza too quickly just so I could run out of there (which wasn't that hard because I can't eat quickly even when I try lol). I told myself I never wanted to do that again. There have been times where I've been in a Starbucks with a drink while reading or on my phone while waiting to meet with someone, and while the anxiety is still there, it's to a lesser extent because half of the people at Starbucks are alone too (but I don't like going to Starbucks if I have time to kill because there's rarely any seating available in the first place). So part of this anxiety of sitting alone in public spaces is dependent on the environment itself. But in general, I really wish this weren't a problem for me.
Fast forward to this month. First, a little backstory: For those of you who don't know, I've been working on the same YA dystopian novel for YEARS. Why haven't I finished it yet? Truth be told, it hasn't been a priority, so I haven't consistently dedicated time to it. I've also hit several writer's blocks and took breaks that went much longer than they should have. Well, long story short, now that I'm pregnant with my second, I've realized that if I don't finish this book before Baby Bear comes, there's a good chance I won't ever finish it. And after reading Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals with one of my students (she had to pick a nonfiction book for summer reading and picked this one - that's the only reason I learned about it), I was reminded that if I have too many items on my to-do list, I'll never finish them. Instead, it's better to choose just 2-3 to stick to, and because becoming published has been a dream of mine since middle school, I decided finishing this book would become one of those 2-3 things I'd stick with.
I'm part of a small mastermind group, and one person in the group was a full-time tutor and a part-time author before switching to being a full-time author. She suggested I begin by dedicating 5 minutes a day to writing. Why 5 minutes? It's easily achievable. If I can't find 5 minutes in my day to sit down and write, I'm doing something wrong lol. I can always choose to write more, but spending at least 5 minutes a day ensures that I'm making progress on a regular basis. At first, I was consistently doing it maybe 3-4 days a week. It was good, but it wasn't where I'd wanted to be. Then when I shared what I was doing with P, my best friend from college who also loves to write, she suggested we download a habit tracker app and commit to writing every day together. We started on August 6, and I haven't missed a day (I tell myself P would be disappointed in me if I missed one, even though that's not true haha).
Okay, so what does my new habit of 5 minutes of daily writing have to do with social anxiety? Well, because my tutoring schedule this summer has been on the lighter side now that my students are back in the full swing of traveling and attending camps over the summer, I've had more free time on my hands. So this past month, I've been going to a different café once a week and sitting down for a half hour to an hour and just writing. The first time I tried this, I went to a café I'd been to on many other occasions, but before I left, I started a mental debate about whether or not I actually wanted to go. You can ask Peter - I shared this debate out loud with him. But I was really craving a sweet crepe, so my stomach is what ultimately got me out of the house that day. I chose to hide in a corner booth so I could eat my crepe in peace, but you know what? Once I started writing, I entered a zone and became totally unaware of my surroundings. I got so much writing done that I decided I should do it again the following week! I had to meet a girlfriend in a neighboring town for lunch, so I hit up a café in that town to get some writing done beforehand.
Now, I not only have one lengthier writing session each week, but I also get to visit local cafés that are new to me, which makes the experience a whole lot more fun! I've been to some really cool places and met some really nice employees as well (one time I met the owner of a particular café and it just so happened that she's as big of a Disney fan as I am. =D talk about a win!). I'm hoping to support several different local joints before settling on one and becoming a "regular" there (because who doesn't want to have their own Luke's like Lorelai has in Gilmore Girls?!). And even though yes, I'm always a little anxious when I enter a new establishment and wonder if there will be enough seating so that I can stay and momentarily stress over other little worries that go through my head each time, it has truly been a positive experience overall. I'm so much further along with my book now, and I'm (slowly) becoming much more comfortable being solo in public spaces.
Cheers to progress!
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