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Writer's pictureRachel Berntsen

older and wiser



At my alma mater 4 years ago

Welcome to my new website!! I thought it was time that my blog had a more polished look, and I wanted a whimsical template with a hint of sophistication that reflects me a bit more than my last website (though I'm really not very sophisticated unless the occasion calls for it, let's be honest heh). I'm still fiddling around with it a bit, but I didn't want to delay this post, so this is what I've done so far. What do you think??


Recently, I've been thinking about the similarities and differences that exist between college Rachel and current Rachel (maybe that was influenced by a compare and contrast paragraph I had one of my middle school students write yesterday lol). In a lot of ways, we're the same. My interests haven't changed. If anything, I've become more passionate about the things I liked in college. I'm still independent, but I still don't enjoy being too independent - like eating out by myself or going shopping alone. My personality hasn't changed either. I'm just as bubbly and giddy and youthful as I was then (just ask Peter - you should've heard the sound that escaped my mouth when I saw an otter being incredibly playful at the aquarium we visited on Labor Day). The way I approach situations is also the same. I still don't like conflict and I'm still very much mindful of other people's feelings when it comes to the things I say.

While some things are the same, sometimes I think about how different I am from when I was first transitioning into adulthood in college. I actually eat tomatoes now, for one thing! I'd argue that my writing is better too. I also know how to actually use makeup now (although I rarely do, which is another thing that hasn't changed). There were certainly more drastic changes that took some getting used to, though. I remember despising the day when my mom said she would no longer take me to the doctor's office. THAT was true adulting, in my mind. I had no idea how to act or which details on my healthcare card corresponded to the details required on the medical forms I was given or what my family's medical history consisted of or which brand of contacts I used - my mom had always been the one to take care of that stuff! Now, it's really not so bad. The worst part is the parking (why don't medical centers have larger parking lots???). And since I prefer talking to strangers in person than on the phone, if I have a question, I just ask the receptionist.


I approached being on a worship team in college very differently than I do now as well. As a freshman, I thought being on the worship team made me a star. I remember very distinctly asking my worship team leader one day if I could sing on the worship team the weekend my parents were going to be in town. He gave me a funny look and gently reminded me that being on the worship team isn't about the people on it, but about Him. I was super embarrassed, and I felt so ashamed of myself, to think that I actually had selfish motives for singing praise songs.


Fast forward to two Sundays ago, when Peter and I led our worship team at church for the first time. Earlier the previous week, I knew that Peter was going to be subbing for our normal pianist. I know our music director likes to keep us together as a married couple, but I really had no preference about whether or not I sang that Sunday. In the middle of the week, the music director sent out an email explaining that half of the worship team was going to be out, including the singer who normally serves as the female lead, and asked if any of the other singers could step in. My instinct was to say yes, because Peter had been given the task of selecting the set list and I had been practicing the songs with him, so I was prepared. Then, when it dawned on me that our female lead would be out, I started to wonder if I'd be able to take her place. There are two additional female vocalists on the team, though, so I didn't know if that was possible. And then I almost immediately chided myself for thinking such a thing. I didn't join to be in the spotlight; my main reason for joining was because Peter and I want to encourage more young people to join our church, and we believe young people feel more welcomed when they see other young people serving. I squashed the thought and told myself that I would be perfectly content singing as a backup. I meant it too. Fast forward to Friday of that week, when we had worship practice for the upcoming Sunday. Neither of the other two female vocalists showed up. I was flabbergasted. It almost felt as though God was telling me, "I see you, Rachel. I see how much more mature you are than the girl you were during your first year at Williams. I believe in you, and I think you can do this, so here you go." Peter and I led worship together that following Sunday. Let me tell you - it was a truly wonderful and humbling experience. People came up to us afterwards, showering us with compliments and thanking us for sharing our gifts with the congregation. All I could think was to Him be the glory.


All in all, I don't look very different from when I was in college (or even high school, for that matter...), and I don't act very differently, but I feel different. I'm more mature in a lot of ways (in college, the word "mature" used to scare me because I refused to refer to myself as an adult and I thought all adults were supposed to act maturely...not that they always do), physically, mentally, and emotionally. I think the one area that was a pleasant surprise though was how much I've matured spiritually. I'm a mess and I'm full of flaws, but my determination to be more like Him has never been stronger.

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