Well, I'm now deep in the process of legally changing my name (though I've already changed it on all of my social media platforms - hurray for having been a Berntsen at heart all this time!)! I've read posts by a lot of women explaining why they've chosen to keep their maiden names, but I don't think I've come across any that explain why some women choose to change their names (not that I've been looking intently for them or anything), so I decided to take a whack at it. I also love this photo I found to go alongside this post - I love mugs, I DO love NY even though I'm in CT for the time being ; ), and the letter B is, of course, the first letter of my new last name.
Disclaimer: The following musings belong to me and only me. While I want to share why I personally decided to change my name, I am not suggesting that a woman changing her name is better than a woman keeping her name. I spent some time wrestling with the decision myself, and I think both decisions ought to be valued and respected.
Growing up, I think I naturally assumed I would take my future husband's last name because that's what the people around me had done. All of the women in my family have taken their husbands' last names, and the same goes for the couples I grew up knowing. In high school and college, I met women who had chosen to hyphenate their last names. I knew that was never going to be something I'd consider, though, mostly for the sake of my kids (truth be told, I was also concerned that my future husband's last name wouldn't mesh with mine very well if they were hyphenated lol). When I started work as a middle school English teacher, I started meeting mothers who had chosen to keep their maiden names. I was super embarrassed because I could never remember their maiden names, so I'd often avoid addressing them by any name altogether. That was when I started wondering why some women choose to change their names and others don't.
It honestly wasn't until I got engaged that I realized how much of an impact changing my name would have, the biggest being that I would have to learn to respond to a new name. I had grown so accustomed to being called Rachel Durrant. I'm still so used to the ring of those two names together that it seemed weird to want to change that. Another small thing - I've hardly ever had people mispronounce my maiden name. Berntsen, however, is almost ALWAYS mispronounced (it's BERNT-sen, like the word BURNT). Was I really okay with that? After Peter and I got married, I held off on legally changing my name for months because I was so caught up in the whirlwind of marriage and growing accustomed to the other changes involved. During those months, I kept thinking about how much of a nuisance it was going to be to change my name. Wouldn't it just make sense to keep my current one? I mean, it had worked well for me thus far.
Ultimately, though, I liked the idea of doing something to acknowledge my new family, to acknowledge that Peter's family is now a part of my own. The beauty of the word "family" is that there are no parameters to it. Whoever you choose to call family is completely up to you, and families are constantly growing to include new additions. Now, Peter's family is also my family, and I wanted a permanent reminder of that fact. I also liked the idea of taking the name of my future family, the one that Peter and I will create together. In addition, being the hopeless romantic that I am, I like being called Mrs. Berntsen because I love the reminder that I'm Peter's and he's mine. I still randomly turn to him on occasion and exclaim, "We're married!" as though we just got married a week ago. And I love being able to tell other people that yes, I'm Mrs. Berntsen. I'm the one Peter chose. I won! =D I did decide to do something slightly different, though. Normally, women who change their last names get rid of their middle names and make their maiden names their new middle names. However, I happen to like my middle name, so I decided to keep it. I now have four names in my full name: Rachel [insert original middle name here] Durrant Berntsen. The DMV had a field day with that lol. But keeping my maiden name and adopting my married name are the easiest ways for me to show who my family is. I also decided that since my maiden name dies with my generation of Durrants (which consists of my younger sister, a female cousin, and me), when I'm published someday (yes, when), I plan to use my maiden name with my books, a nice way to ensure that my maiden name lives on. Plus, I've wanted to be a writer since well before I met Peter. I think it's fitting.
The chapter of my life in which I was called Rachel Durrant was an absolutely wonderful chapter. I think about her and the things she did fairly often and with admiration. I'm currently in the middle of a new chapter, though - same person, but a different part of my journey. Same person, but with additions to my family. And I personally like the fact that this new chapter has a new name.
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