2021 is ALMOST here, and naturally, I've been spending a lot of time both reflecting on what has happened throughout 2020 and what I'm looking forward to in 2021. Here are some things that came to mind.
Looking back on 2020:
Peter and I didn't kill each other --> Yes, that's mostly meant to be funny, but it addresses a legitimate concern I had. No, I was never concerned that being home together might lead me to do something THAT drastic, but I genuinely wondered how we'd cope when Peter was working from home alongside me for several months. It definitely took some adjustment, and some of that adjustment involved things I wouldn't have ever expected. For example, I hadn't considered the fact that even though I work from my home office, I utilize the living room a lot too, for workouts, lunch breaks, etc. I couldn't exactly use the living room freely like I used to because that's where Peter had set up his home base for work. It's so easy to develop a routine and then struggle when you're forced to alter it, even if it's ever so slightly. Ironically, when Peter started going back into the office every other week, I relished the couch time that had been returned to me...but then quickly proceeded to miss his presence. 2020 gave us the opportunity to both strengthen our marriage and increase our love for each other, and for that, I am truly grateful.
I'm an extroverted introvert --> As much as I loved having Peter at home, especially while in isolation, I will say that spending time with him wasn't quite enough for me. I realized just how much being social means to me. I can't spend time with people all day every day or I'll crash, BUT I do love being with people. There were definitely times when I had to be a little more creative about how to spend time with people in person, but I think this year has taught me to cherish that quality time more than I did before. In the past, I've had "introvert" days where I wake up and just don't feel like being social at all; I just feel like staying at home and being alone. I've rescheduled get-togethers or missed out on parties because of those days. Now, though, I'm realizing that I'd rather spend time with people even on my off days than to be denied those opportunities altogether.
I became a fully-booked online tutor for the first time since I started my business in the summer of 2019 --> This was huge. I know of many tutors who lost a lot of their clients because of the pandemic, so I don't take this blessing for granted in the slightest. COVID meant a surge in clients for me, starting back in March, and that carried on through the summer. I experienced a slight decline in the number of students I had towards the end of August, as parents decided whether they wanted to continue having their kids tutored online on top of attending regular classes online, but I became fully booked again at the end of October. I absolutely love what I do, and it's been such a pleasure having students and their parents trust me in supplementing their education this year.
I got pregnant --> You were probably expecting this to come up a little earlier in the list, but since I'm still pregnant, I figured I should save it for last. If you've been following me for a while now and read my blog post about being pregnant, you know just exactly what Bubbles represents to Peter and me. Honestly, if I just thought about her as a result of 2020, the word that comes to mind is "hope." She meant hope for us. And I've truly loved being pregnant. No, not every minute of it (I definitely don't miss the morning sickness from trimester 1 and I wouldn't mind if some of my current hip/back pain went away), but overall, it's been such a wonderful experience. I started trimester 3 this week, and last week, Peter and I started taking natural childbirth classes with his parents to prepare for the big day, so the end game is becoming very real to me now. Before, it was just relishing the fact that my body was growing another living being, but now, it's contemplating how wonderful it will be when we finally get to meet her. We just recently visited my best friend from high school who had a baby four weeks ago, and as ecstatic as Peter and I are for her and her husband, we were also "sad" knowing that we've still got a while before we meet our girl. We know our turn is coming soon, though. And as much as I LOVE my sleep, when she's finally here, as challenging as I'm sure those first few weeks will be (and then some), they'll be so worth it. (I actually just assembled her crib yesterday and couldn't help but picture her lying in it in a few short months!)
Looking ahead to 2021:
I'm adding a new title to my resume: "Mama" --> Okay here, I want to start with the obvious. I'm SO excited to be a mom. It is truly something I've wanted to be for a long time. I'll admit, after Peter and I got married, I didn't want to be a mom right away. I loved being selfish - I loved thinking about myself and not having to worry about someone else (Peter's a grown man, so I don't worry about him lol). But then it dawned on me that I didn't want to live that way forever. I wanted the love that Peter and I have for each other to extend beyond just us. So one day, my brain did a 180 turn, and I realized I was ready. Yes, my life will undoubtedly change, but I'm at peace about it. Plus having a family doesn't have to equate to losing my ability to do the things I enjoy doing or letting go of the goals I have for myself. It just means I have to balance those hobbies and aspirations with nurturing my little one. And I'm more than happy to do that.
I'll be taking a maternity leave --> I'll admit, I'm a little nervous about this. I've gotten my business to a point where things are really good, but I'm going to have to take time off when the baby comes because a) adjusting to being a mom is going to be a full-time job those first several weeks and b) I'll be too sleep-deprived to help my students in the best way possible. I'm announcing the news to each of my students and their parents next week. I'm hoping to continue working until the baby comes, and then I'm hoping to return to work after my maternity leave. I have no idea what that will look like, but I hope it will all work out and that my students and their parents will be understanding about it.
I'm hoping for a restored sense of normalcy --> This is partly for my benefit, but it's really for Bubbles' benefit more than anything. I want her to be born into a world where she not only knows but is also able to tangibly experience the love of friends and family. I so want her to be able to meet others and interact with them when she arrives, even if it makes me jealous at first, so let's hope 2021 looks a bit different from 2020 in that sense. I'm looking forward to so many small things, like being able to smile at people and catch them smiling back or being able to hug people again without worrying! I've taken so many of these smaller things for granted...that hopefully won't happen again.
Hasta la vista, 2020. Hello, 2021!
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