Before you start to make certain assumptions about this post's title, allow me to make this small disclaimer: I am still very much happily married. I said something like this to Peter the other day: "Being single was a lot easier, but I'm still so happy to be married to you. I wouldn't trade that for anything." For those of you who are married, I'm sure you'll relate to a lot of what I'm about to say. For those of you who are unmarried, you might assume that certain aspects of your life will change when you're married (if you choose to be), but sometimes those changes don't hit you until after the fact, which is what happened to Peter and me last week.
When you're single, you have control over every aspect of your life (unless you're still living at home - then, well, sometimes your parents forget that you're not a baby anymore). You can choose what kind of career to have, whether or not to eat breakfast, what to wear, how to spend your money, when to go on vacation, etc. When you're in a relationship, that changes slightly. Some of your decisions are based on your significant other. For example, if a friend asks you if you want to grab dinner on Tuesday, your reason for not going might be, "Oh, I'd love to, but my boyfriend and I are seeing a movie then. Maybe another time?" Your time is no longer completely yours, but is a bit dependent on your significant other.
When you're married, most of your decisions become based around your spouse. And Peter and I realized that the hardest part about that fact has to do with managing our time together. One of the things we discussed while we were engaged that we wanted to do on a weekly basis after we got married was to set aside at least one night a week as a date night (something we admire about his second oldest brother and his wife!). That's not to say we don't spend one-on-one time with each other more than once a week; we simply set aside time to do something extra special, like going kayaking or waking up around 4am to watch some hot air balloons lift off at sunrise (both of which we did this summer). Last week, we were busy doing something every single night that we failed to uphold our own agreement! I tutored a student each night from Monday through Wednesday, which kinda interrupted our alone time, and Peter also acquired two new video games, so after my lessons, he was usually still playing. On Thursday night, we attended our church's youth group, which was super fun - I got to play corn hole and ping pong round robin, and I got to color in an adult coloring book, yeah! On Friday night, we had worship team practice. And on Saturday night, we were driving home from NY after visiting my family.
On Sunday, we were completely burnt out. We realized that we needed to make some changes to our schedule so that a week like that doesn't happen again. We live together, but it felt like I barely saw Peter alone last week. Figuring out how to ensure that we prioritized our date night each week was actually one of the hardest conversations we've had since we got married. Being married involves a lot of sacrifices, and some are easier than others. Peter said I should tutor less in the evenings. That was something I had a hard time agreeing to, not because of the money, but because of my relationship with my students. Fortunately, I was able to make one earlier in the evening so that it ends by 7 on Wednesdays, which means Peter and I would have the rest of the evening together. I compromised with him on the student I see Mondays and Tuesdays. I absolutely adore this woman and truly cherish my time with her, so I didn't want to have to give her up altogether (she doesn't usually get home until 7, so our lessons have to start after that). We decided I could meet with her Tuesdays, since Peter's D&D group meets twice a month on Tuesdays anyway, and I would forgo Mondays, so that lessons with her would only take up one weeknight instead of two. I broke the news to her yesterday, and she was so supportive, to the point that she said she could even try to leave work earlier so that our lessons could start an hour earlier. That was a huge blessing.
There are plenty of things that are different between singleness and marriage. I can't just take off without letting Peter know where I'm going, or he'll worry. I can't spend money however I want to, because my money is also Peter's money, and we need to make sure we have enough each month to pay our bills. The most notable difference, though, is that I need to make sure I set aside time for him throughout the week. It's certainly not a bad thing - I don't think I would've married him if I didn't want to spend time with him lol - but it's not something I ever thought I'd have to make a conscious effort to do. I guess some things in marriage just happen more naturally than others. This will hopefully become more natural as time goes on. We live and we learn, right?
Going back to this post's title, yes, I've said good-bye to singleness. Yes, sometimes, I think about how much easier things were when I was single. But marriage has been so incredibly wonderful, and while I will continue to share how hard it can be at times, especially as a newlywed, I will also continue to share why it's so great. So I'm going to end by saying that as difficult as it was for us to learn how to manage our time, we're doing things together that I don't think would have been as satisfying if I had decided to do them alone. For one thing, I NEVER would've volunteered to become a youth group leader. When I was teaching middle school students, almost everyone told me how brave I was and how hard it must have been for me. Please! Middle school students are awesome! High school students are the ones who are scary. In my experience, middle school students are a little defiant, but they still want you to like them. High school students could care less lol. Actually, when I was a middle school English teacher, the high school students were the ones who gave me attitude...and I wasn't even their teacher! They were bitter that I had replaced their middle school English teacher, BUT THEY WEREN'T IN MIDDLE SCHOOL ANYMORE! I just didn't understand them sometimes. End rant. If it hadn't been for Peter (and a LOT of prayer and also some prodding from the youth director), I wouldn't have gone to youth group last Thursday and discovered how much I enjoyed myself. I guess high school students aren't ALL bad. ; ) I also continue to love being on the worship team with Peter, because music is where he thrives, and that's not something I get to witness on a regular basis. And I never would've tried to lead a worship service if it hadn't been for him either. I've been growing a lot recently, and God has been using Peter to help with quite a bit of that. Is that not a wonderful thing?
Disclaimer: I will be in FLORIDA in two weeks, so my next post might come in three weeks instead of two, depending on whether or not I have time to write while I'm gone. I'll make sure it's a good one regardless. ; )
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