One of my best friends has begun writing letters to the baby because a) she wanted to be able to say she was the first to do so (check!), and b) she thought it was a creative way to keep both of us informed of what she's been up to as of late (as well as getting the baby excited about things she wants to do with her when she's old enough like take her to Disney World and Broadway shows, naturally). I think it's a genius idea, and while I've been keeping the baby updated on a weekly basis on how I've been feeling and what I've been doing in my bump to birthday journal (yes that's a thing), I haven't necessarily told many people of what the day-to-day has been like. Allow me to do that now, in the fashion of a letter addressed to my little one.
Note: I'll be referring to her as "baby" throughout this letter because Peter and I don't plan on disclosing her name until she's here. =]
Dear Baby,
Just this morning, I heard your heartbeat for the fourth time! My anxiety surrounding this pregnancy and having no way of knowing how you're doing has clearly subsided because the doctor and I talked while listening to your heartbeat, and I actually almost missed it! I guess talking to your daddy and to your grandparents and praying about it all has really helped me relax and trust that you're okay. Seeing you two weeks ago also helped a ton...plus feeling you for the third time this week! Thanks for letting Daddy be a part of that - it's almost like you knew I had put his hand on my belly, even though it was done randomly, and you had to make it known that you love him too!
People have been telling me all along that I don't look pregnant. Well, now that I'm at the five month mark, I don't think I'll be hearing that anymore. I'm getting big enough that bending down to pick up laundry to fold now hurts my back. To think that it used to be a really easy task! I'm also much more aware of how large I am while tutoring. If I lean forward to better engage with a student, my tummy protrudes a bit onto my thighs and hits my desk lol. Getting up off of the couch from a reclining position is a two-person job now. Rolling over in bed takes much more effort than it used to. And Daddy has to hold my hand while we hike so I don't go spiraling. He thinks the fact that I've spent my whole life being a cautious hiker has prepared me for this exact moment (not that I've ever been much of a hiker, let's be honest). The doctor told me that exercising might help me sleep better at night, so that should be interesting to do with a belly. I haven't exercised in months. I tried to during the first trimester, but it wasn't a good mix with the morning sickness. Let's see how you like all of the movement! Speaking of movement, I've actually been wondering what it's like for you when I laugh really hard. I hope it doesn't jostle you too much - Mama sure likes to laugh (and laughs a LOT more easily now that she's pregnant).
Baby, you must really like milk already because that is the ONLY thing your mama has been consuming more than usual. I don't have any other cravings, and my only true aversions are the smells of Daddy cooking mushrooms he's foraged in the woods and the sardines he sometimes eats for lunch. Blech! I think the lack of cravings is a blessing though. It means Daddy spends more time at home than he otherwise would!
You'd think that being 8 pounds heavier (and counting) than usual would be an obvious sign that you're on the way, but there have been other things that have made this whole experience more real to me too. This past week, I started looking into a pediatrician for you. I also bought a diaper bag that I really like (mostly because it's a diaper bag that doesn't look like a diaper bag), and it's one of maybe five things in total that I've bought for you so far (your Pau Pau, my mom, basically has your wardrobe covered for your first year, in case you were wondering). I'm actually pretty proud of myself for not splurging on things for you just yet! And next month, we'll be starting natural childbirth classes with your Nini and Papa so we know what to expect when it's time for your arrival. Girl, between you and me, that part freaks me out. I think living in the moment has been wonderful and really easy to do because of my pregnancy, partly because I want to relish every moment of it...and partly because I'm dreading what I have to do to meet you. Eek! We'll get there.
Baby, I can't WAIT to meet you! I mean, finish cooking in there, of course. There's no need to come out early - I want you to be healthy when you arrive! But lately, I've been seeing a lot of baby-related ads (because of the research I've been doing), and seeing these itty bitty babies sporting a particular brand of diapers or crawling across a particular brand of tummy time mats has me SO excited to hold your little body for the first time. Daddy and I already love you so much. I hope you know that from every whisper of your name, every caress of my belly, every time I sing "The Blessing" to you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, Baby, and we thank God so much for the miracle that you are.
Love,
Mama
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